Confessions of a Confused Soul

These past few months have been like an emotional roller-coaster for me. I have been torn between nostalgic and often angry flash-backs of my childhood and the potentially bright but not-necessarily-so future.

It seems that my ideas of self-healing were misled or at any rate haven’t worked yet. I used to believe that integrity with my past came from somehow flying back through time and righting every wrong; of course every wrong that is judged by my current worldviews.  More specifically, if I felt that somebody has done me wrong, I should somehow make them, though only in my mind, admit their mistake.

I am starting to feel that it might be that I need to leave the past were it is and accept that whatever that has happened has basically acted as building blocks of my very person. I face two paths now: if I like “me”, then I should stop dwelling on the unchangeable past and merely appreciate the effect of these events. If, however, I don’t, then I need to be changing something and that something is in the now. Either way, rationally speaking, not much can be done about the past but to get more and more entangled in a rather tedious and useless act.

Well, now that I am writing this, it seems very obvious. But believe me; I have been struggling with it constantly, surely without result.